The Perfectionism Of A Perfectionist

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I admit it.  I am a perfectionist.  I know I’m not perfect, but I feel that I need to be in every thing that I do.  In fact my biggest flaw is that I don’t fail well.  Failure is not an option in my mind.  I suppose some people might see that as a good thing, but it is not a fun way to live.  I am harder on myself than anyone.  Of course it goes hand in hand with my type A personality.  It can really be a pain, but it’s who I am, and I’ve come to grips with the fact that there isn’t much I can do about it.  I’ve been feeling a bit bad lately though because Nick is starting to show signs that he is going to be a lot like me.

I feel that perfection is very much an inherited trait.  I don’t remember anyone ever telling me that I had to be perfect, and yet it is something that I always strive for.  If someone told a baby that they needed to be perfect the baby wouldn’t even understand what they meant, and yet it is possible to see babies striving for perfection.

I didn’t know until a few months ago about the fact that some babies can appear to be somewhat behind developmentally due to the fact that they are perfectionists.  One of the moms in my mom group had to take her daughter for PT due to being a bit behind.  The therapist told the mom that her daughter did need a little help, but one of her problems was that she was a perfectionist and she wouldn’t do something until she felt that she could do something perfectly.

I’m sure that this has been Nick’s issue as well.  He has been on track developmentally, but he usually does things at the end of the normal age that certain developmental milestones are expected.  It took him such a long time to start crawling, but when he started doing it he did it perfectly.   He never teetered and tottered.  Once he was ready he just went, and he was pretty much speed crawling from the start (man can this kid move fast).

Walking was the same way.  For pretty much the entire year he would only walk if he held our hand.  There were times that he obviously wasn’t holding onto us for support, but if we tried taking our hand away he’d immediately stop and sit down.  In fact at the beginning of the Summer he was able to walk from one person to another, but he fell some, and that was it for him.  After a few days of trying he wouldn’t do it anymore.  Then last Sunday he used his push walker for the first time (we had bought it for his birthday).  By Tuesday he was cruising on his own.  I guess he just needed that feeling of solo walking to make him feel that he was truly ready.

Now it’s a wait to see if talking will be the same way, and I have a feeling it will be.  Nick has a few words, and others that have come and gone, but for a kid that makes so many sounds I’m shocked that he doesn’t talk more.  I know though that it is not odd for a child to go a long time without talking and then all of the sudden, out of nowhere, spit out an entire sentence that is grammatically correct.  I love the few words that I hear though, so I hope it doesn’t take too long for him to say more.

With the school year now upon us, I can’t help but wonder if school will also be the same for Nick as it was for me.  I pushed myself so hard, especially as I got older.  Even when I was little though I would get so frustrated when I couldn’t do something right.  Oh, the tears I cried for spelling word practices!  If Nick’s lucky he’ll get his Dad’s spelling ability and he at least won’t have that struggle.  Ahhh I’m so not ready to even think about school!

Have you seen perfectionist traits in your child?