A is for Awkward
I’ve always been a bit self-conscious around children. It’s an odd thing, as my mother has run a child care center since before I was born. My brother is very good around children, as is my sister. I was raised within a child-friendly family. So why is it that I have always been so awkward around kids? I suppose it helps that I am just plain awkward anyway, but of all people, wouldn’t kids be the ones easiest to be awkward around? I mean, on top of running a child care, my mother is the very definition of awkward. Anyone else tired of the word awkward?
One of those recurring thoughts that rattled around in my head as Nick’s due date kept getting closer was the thought that I would be too uncomfortable around him to be the best dad. I had no trouble wrapping my mind around changing diapers, feeding him, and comforting him. My biggest worry was that I wouldn’t be able to have fun with him. I couldn’t see myself talking in that high-pitched voice people adopt when they talk to kids. I couldn’t see myself making weird noises, waddling around on the floor with him. I couldn’t imagine reading him a story. I’m not a shy person, I’m not a stranger to acting odd in public settings (such as work.) Why is it that I was worried about having fun with my son? To be honest, I can’t answer that question. I think I’d need Dr. Phil or something.
There is a very bright side to this story, though. Now that Nick is here, and has been here for quite some time, I can see that those fears never came to fruition. I make Donald Duck noises, I blow raspberries in his belly, I spin in circles with him, I read him stories and even use different voices, and I all-around have fun with him. Heck, I even enjoy making funny faces and voices when I’m at work and having a bit of fun with someone else’s kid. It’s as though there is this whole new level of being okay with being awkward that comes with having a child. My fears turned out to be nothing more than fears. When the important moments come in which my child needs to smile, I’m standing right there, being as awkward as I possibly can. I’m pretty cool with that.