Living For Today

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I have a very bad habit.  I spend so much time looking forward to the big things down the road (such as our upcoming vacation!) that I don’t pay enough attention to what’s going on right then and there.  I know that it’s not a good habit.  The present doesn’t always seem important when it’s happening, but all too soon you’ll wish those moments back.

I’m still in utter shock that Nick is a year old .  It doesn’t even feel like enough time has gone by for that to be possible.  I think I blinked and it was all over.  When he was a newborn I really tried to pay attention and take in all of the little moments.  No one likes the late night feedings, but there’s nothing like snuggling that little one during the wee hours of the morning.  At the time you’re in the moment and you feel complete exhaustion and you want nothing more than for your baby to sleep through the night so you can too.  I did realize though that it would be over in a blink, and then I would miss it, so I tried to wake up and pay attention to what was happening. There really is a part of me that misses those moments.

Now is one of those annoying times that drive you crazy in the present, but you know you’ll miss later.  Right now Nick’s favorite thing to do is walk.  The catch is that he can’t do it by himself yet.  The only way he does it is by holding onto our fingers.  We spend most of the day walking him all over.  He also doesn’t crawl, so this is his way of getting  anywhere, so being able to walk is really important to him.  There are times though when you want to pull your hair out though because all of the back and forth walking gets old fast.  There are days that I can’t wait for him to walk on his own, but then I think about not only the fact will I always being running after him then, but it will be sad when he doesn’t need me for that anymore.  I had to remind myself of that fact just yesterday when I was trying to clean the kitchen and Nick was screaming because he wanted to walk.

I am very excited to see Nick grow and change, but I need to start living for the now if I want to enjoy it.  Sure I’ll still look forward to our vacation.  I can’t completely change who I am, but I want to enjoy my little guy while he still is little.  I know all too soon he’ll be grown.

There are days that I can’t stand washing Nick’s bottles anymore, but the closer we get to getting rid of them the less I mind it.  Bottle time is the only cuddle time I get with Nick, and I know that I’ll miss it terribly.  With Nick being one now the bottle days are diapering fast.  Someone recently told me to enjoy our time now because soon I’m going to feel like all I did was turn around and blink and he’d be graduating.  I’m sure I will feel that way, but I hope that I’ll have many wonderful memories to hold onto and treasure.