Reflections on Expecting
I have always wanted to be a mom. I always knew that my life would never be truly fulfilled with out that title. It took my husband a lot longer to decide that he wanted to be a dad. I was willing to wait, but only for so long. Although I do not regret that we spent the first five years of our marriage as just us.
I was not prepared when Jason told me out of the blue that he was ready to start our family. At the time I thought we were going to be waiting at least another year before we started trying, but I was more than happy to move things up a year. For months I had been walking around feeling pangs of sadness every time I saw little kids and babies. I wanted one so bad, but I had been willing to wait.
The two week wait to find out whether I was pregnant or not was tough. Those were probably some of the longest days of my life. Although I had always told myself I wouldn’t test early I caved and did it anyways. I had seen the signs, and I was pretty sure I was pregnant, but I just couldn’t wait any longer. I tested early one morning and before the 3 minute time was up I had a very faint second line. It was one of those lines where you’re not sure if you’re seeing something or if you’re eyes are just playing tricks on you. I moved it around looking at it from different angles, but I was sure that line was there. When Jason said he saw it too I knew we had something.
As much as I had felt ready to be a mom it was quite a shock when I realized that it was going to happen. It was one of those no turning back moments. All of a sudden I started worrying about so much. Would we really be able to afford a child? Was there enough room for three people and two cats to live in our two bedroom townhouse? What on Earth did I even know about being a mom? Then I hit the realization point that I knew absolutely nothing about babies. I had never changed a diaper before and I had hardly ever even held a baby. What if I screwed everything up?
Yet while a part of me was having freak out moments the rest of me was on cloud 9. What could be more wonderful than having a little child that loves you more than anything? It felt like a huge gap in my life was closing and I felt that I had it all. All I wanted was to have a wonderful husband, a nice house, and a child to love. I still didn’t have answers to all of my questions, but with so much going for me I knew that anything would be possible.
-The Mom
